Far too many people, both men and women alike, confuse lust for love. Physical attraction alone will not withstand the test of time in relationships. Physical attraction is an important factor but must never be the only factor you rely upon when choosing a mate. Many make the mistake of confusing lust and love and end up broken-hearted when the relationship doesn't last.

Perhaps you're wildly attracted to someone and thoughts of that person dominate your mind a good portion of the day and night. Perhaps you can't wait until the next time the two of you will be together again. When you are together you can't keep your hands off one another and when you're apart, you fantasize about the next time you can see one another. True love and lust are easily confused because they are so much alike.

As a rule of thumb, if you share few other interests and have nothing in common other than an overwhelming physical desire for one another...it may be lust. If you have nothing of real value to say to one another and have difficulty relating to one another outside the sexual arena...it may be lust. If you don't particularly enjoy one another's company unless you're having sex...it may be lust.

On the other hand, if your relationship is based on factors other than physical attraction and sex is not necessarily the number one priority...it may be love. Most long-term relationships are built on a strong friendship which turns into love over time. Having sex is not the driving force behind the relationship, but is a nice sideline to it.

There really is such a thing as "love at first sight". It happens to many people and the relationship may last for the rest of their lives. A budding relationship based on lust feels much the same as one which is truly "love at first sight". So how do you tell the difference?

Ask yourself the following questions. Read each question carefully and really think about it before answering. When answering, try to be as truthful as possible. If you can honestly and sincerely answer "yes" to all or nearly all of the questions, it may be safe to assume what you feel for the other person is actually love and not merely lust.

Keep in mind, these questions are quite general and are in no way a total and complete checklist.

1. Do you share similar ethics, values, and morals?

2. Do you find it easy to talk to one another and can you talk freely about almost anything?

3. Do you enjoy the time you spend with one another, regardless of the activity?

4. Do you enjoy even the most mundane activities when you are together, simply because you ARE together?

5. Do you have a genuine concern for the happiness, safety, and well-being of the other person?

6. Are you able to work out any differences you may have with this person to the satisfaction of both of you?

7. When disagreements arise, are you able to discuss them openly and frankly without losing your temper?

8. Do you find yourself longing for this person's presence in your life in terms other than a sexual relationship? In other words, do you feel a need simply to be with that person and spend time with them even without having sex?

9. Can you laugh together and at one another, share jokes, and generally have fun together?

10. Does spending time with this person make you feel good about yourself?

11. Does this person give you a heightened sense of self-confidence and vitality?

12. Can you look at this person even when they are at their worst in their physical appearance (such as when they are sick) and not feel repulsed?

13. Do you share a strong mutual respect for one another?

14. Are you willing and able to share both good times and bad with this person and work through life's ups and downs together as a team?

There is a very fine line between lust and love because the two of them are closely related. Being able to tell the difference can save you from wasting your time pursuing an unhealthy relationship which is doomed to eventual failure.

If your long-term goal is to seek out a partner with whom you can build a solid, lifetime commitment, knowing the difference between lust and love is an essential and vital skill you'll want to master. Learning to accept a relationship for what it really is can mean the difference between a broken heart and a happy, fulfilling, lifetime of bliss with your partner.

Did BET Drop the Ball??? My Thoughts on the 2009 BET Awards Show...

OK I'll start by saying the only true reason I even watched the Awards is for the Michael Jackson tribute in hopes that Chris Brown would perform. Instead it was the BIGGEST waste of 3 and half hours of my life in which I can't get back! Thanks BET. A nice substitute for Chris would have been Usher. Rumor has it JAY-Z stopped Chris from performing. How wack is he????


First I'll give the organizers extra points for even trying to pull this thing together with only a few days to work out all the kinks, so I suspended some of my disdain for the network. Also what make them look good is that they took time out to salute regular everyday citizens and local luminaries, including three doctors who are helping their community and the mayor of a city who as a child-- along with his family -- was terrorized by the Ku Klux Klan.

We all know BET runs their awards shows over and over again once it premiers, so you won't be able to avoid it. But if I can save you a little time with the following look backs at the program. I'll talk about the more important performances and the best/worst aspects.

Pre-show: It was OK at best, and not helped by a lackluster performance of newcomer Pleasure P. His performance of "Boyfriend No. 2" car wreck, including the observation that it might have been of help if it had better singing and back-up dancers who did NOT get their costumes in the paint aisle of the Home Depot.

Highlight: Jeremih did us proud with a pre-awards "Birthday Sex." I am sick of hearing the song on the radio, but it is refreshing to see someone with actual musical talent.

Side note: I guess Matthew Knowles did pull rank because instead of Latoya Luckett performing at the actual awards she was down graded too the pre-show. Sucks for her I really like the girl I thinks she's really talented.

Opening Act: Nice to see New Edition back together it would have been great for it to be a surprise but if you watched the pre-show Marlon Waynes let the rabbit out the hat, but their singing was a little on the ca-razy and, to quote Randy Jackson, pitchy side. It was nice of them to try doing a last minute Michael Jackson medley. And what was with Bobby Brown and the tongue flicking movements lol Bobby your not sexy anymore nobody wants to see that.

Jamie Foxx Intro: The host with the most started with a very cute Michael Jackson impression with that whole too tight ensemble which consisted of a too-tight red leather jacket and floods. Nice moonwalk, Jamie but I seen you almost bust your booty! I'm not sure about him claiming Michael Jackson as a "black man" that "belongs to US" (as if we didn't know the man's skin shade), but I did appreciate him defending MJ from the media who's having a filled day dissecting him. Everyone can have their own opinion on him and his personal life but one thing is for sure the man was one hell of a artist. Let him rest in peace! Overall Jamie did good job.

Keri Hilson: I'm going to first get started on that hair Keri you my girl and I love your music but baby that hair was a mess I know you was probably going for the MJ look but it was a hot mess I wish it would've did an MJ number caught a fire. Wearing a leather jacket, skinny jeans and looking a bit like a bronzed Rizzo from "Grease," the talented singer and songwriter brought it with an interesting, varied performance including "Turning Me On" and "Knocks You Down." I absolutely loved the way she included Micheal music into her music instead of just singing one of his songs. But what I am not sure about was the foolywang at the end of the performance with all the crotch grabbing and what ever else she was doing. I still love you Keri girl!

Ne-yo: Ne-yo performance of Micheal Jackson "Lady in My Life" was spectacular I absolutely loved it. The man can sing, and he did a wonderful job.

Comedic Relief besides Jamie Foxx: KeKe Palmer sang her butt off in a voice I didn't know the little one had and Bobbe lmao at at his little MJ combo. I still love him from Role Models. Oh I can't forget Anthony Anderson who was there to egg the youngins on.

Blame it on the B-B-B-B-E-T Awards: I love the way Jamie was like Jay-Z ain't talking about me using the auto tune I got more stuff I'm doing with that I'm excluded from it lol. Liking the Michael Jackson T-shirt Foxx is donning for "Blame It on the Alcohol," but is that what passes for a tribute these days? As we all know from the video he had some big names in the video I was hoping to see some of them appear on stage guess not. But who did appear on stage from no where and for what reason I'm still not sure is Snoop Dogg. Oh yea and T-pain and his BIG ASS CHAIN joined the stage too.

Highlight of the performance: Travis Barker coming in on the skins, and banging hard, boy. LOVED IT. HE KILT IT!!!

Beyonce: God awful performance I'm so sorry the slow, syrupy "Ave Maria" and "Arms of an Angel" combo did not cut it. All that dancing she does in so many of her performances that makes people want to watch her she excluded this time around and instead came on stage sounding all operish. Beyonce's singing/dancing/combo is excellent, but she is not exactly Celine Dion. Add a break where dancers and yellow-clad grips come to put a tutu and Claire's Boutique crown on her: not so good either. Add a weird screen saver-y green backdrop: not much better. I don't have a clue where she was going, but it was a train wreck and the set came off like a surreal and silly attempt to welcome MJ into heaven. I mean was it a ploy to show people she could sing????

"Set it Off" with the Ugliest Actresses Ever: Shenehneh (Martin Lawrence) and Wanda (Jamie Foxx) reprise their comics-in-a-dress roles in a faux trailer for "Skank Robbers." This mess would be so funny if it turned into a real movie. I can bet any amount of money Hollywood producers are trying to sniff out a stripe lol.

Foxx and Neyo Duo: By this time in the show I was a bit tired of seeing Jamie. Stop abusing your hosting privileges by snagging all the song time. "Independent Woman" rendition was nice.

Throwback Gems: Pay attention new-schoolers. This medley of back-in-the day male crooners Guy shows you how they used to do it. The fellas -- looking great-- broke it down with slick dance moves. They were a bit winded, but wonderful and Lebenon James as Brown from the Tyler Perry movies would call him showed his appreciation from the audience with some dancing of his own. I also enjoyed seeing BBD bring it with "Poison" I was almost back into the 90's lol. Watch these guys work it out, old-school style and rival any sound on your radio today.

"Real Housewives of Atlanta" and Ray-J come onstage: Not sure about why they looked like they were all holding each other up and Ray-J?????

Don't Ruin B-Day: Anyway while Beyonce accepted award #2 it was cut short by Jamie pushing her off the stage. What would have been even better if she would have fell while he was doing it. Why was he pushing her? Because they had a surprise for her Bey's hubby Jay-Z came out to perform his D.O.A ( Death of the Autotune)while he appeared on stage and Beyonce acting like she had no idea he would be there was in the same boat with her acting in that awful Goldmember movie just WACK

Tribute to O'Jays: So nice to see Tevin Campbell again during a tribute to the wonderful O'Jays, as introduced by Don "Soul Train" Cornelius. The velvet-voiced Johnny Gill was joined by Tyrese and Trey Songz. Johnny and Tyrese were the best, but Songz put it down for Generation Next. Poor Don Cornelius was seemingly shocked when the O'Jays interrupted his overlong intro where he went on and on about nothing, and even more so when they teased him for being slow and wordy. Pure hilarity.

Ring My Bell: Lucky, lucky Sherri Shepherd. She got to share the stage with Mr. Sex Chocolate himself Idris Elba. He is every kind of fine.

Biggest Boss: Debra Lee, of BET, is raising her profile. The often-maligned BET boss popped up all over the show and seems to want to wrap things up with class and style. She summed up Michael Jackson's humanitarian contributions and presented Wyclef Jean and Alicia Keys for their efforts abroad to improve our world. A well-produced montage demonstrated Jean and Keyes' respective commitment to the world communities, in Africa and Haiti. I love that Wyclef said he came from a hut, graduated to the projects and ended up in a mansion. "You have no excuse,". So true.

"Baby Boy": If you have not seen this hood drama made by John Singleton, you didn't miss too much. But apparently, it's still a big hit on BET, according to Taraji Henson, who won a best actress award on the show. That's why it was incredibly funny when Henson was joined by her fellow "Baby Boy" stars, Ving Rhames and Tyrese, for a mini-encore performance of the movie. Very funny.

Maxed Out: Maxwell oh Maxwell... What a beautiful voice, and his new clean-cut look I like. I love that Jamie Foxx said the alluring soul singer almost had him in a "Prop 8" situation. Crazy Jamie.

OMG Young Money: Yes, that Lil Wayne and Young Money "I Wish I Could [Bleep] Every Girl in the World" song is bouncy and addictive, but it doesn't play well on the BET Awards. It comes off as "I Wish I Could Bleep Every Word in the Song." I mean they cussed all over the place and then they brought out the teenie boppers including Lil Wayne daughter Reginae...Oh my LAWD.

Sidenote: I like the way Drizzy Drake Rogers has blew up so fast and I really like his dude music but I was wondering why he was sitting down on a stool the whole time but I later found out that he torn his ACL... get well soon Drizzy!

Janet Jackson: I found myself teary eyed and just wanting to hug her. She's so brave to get up and speak about her brother's death so soon after it happened. I tell you, I couldn't do it. So nice to see Miss Jackson.

Jamie Foxx and Neyo Duo, Part Deux: "I'll Be There" is touching, but I've had my fill of you two tribute hogs. Give someone else a chance. Maxwell would have blasted this out of the park.

Overall Thoughts: OK presentation with some lighter moments. I truly don't think they did a good job with an MJ tribute. They get an A for "nice try" on the MJ front, and perhaps a C- for the result. I also got a sense they were trying to keep it classy and hope that will seep into their other programming. Just a little tid bit BET if you pick up The Game your ratings will too!! Good luck, BET!

James Brown. December 25th. Aaliyah August 25th. Left Eye April 25th. Micheal Jackson June 25th. How random iz dat...

Rip Micheal Jackson

Is BeinG friEnds wiTh the opPosiTe Sex OK?!?!?!

Of course it is appropriate -- as long as your behaviour is appropriate for a married man or woman. It would be selfish, petty, and even hurtful of someone to expect you to give up your friends simply because of his or her own insecurity.

But, please, use common sense and be sensitive. Do not think you can remain friends with an ex-lover, and still earn your spouse's trust. This would be too much to ask. I'm sure a lot of people would disagree with this. But only you know your spouse and the circumstances. Some people are secure enough to be able to trust their partner right away, others aren't for whatever reason.

I have always had many more male friends than female ones. When my boyfriend and I first started dating, I wouldn't allowed myself to lose touch with my ex's. It was my own choice, because I didn't want to change but I didnt want my boyfirend to feel threatened or like he couldn't trust me. So I decided to let go and becuase of what we have today I don't regret that decision.If he had demanded or simply asked me to stop seeing them, I probably wouldn't have, and I most likely would have grown to resent him for making me choose between him and my friends. But as I look back I can understand his point of view and see that if I was in his shoes I would feel uncomfortable knowing the my girlfriend is still friends with her ex's who happen to still like her. In retrospect, I realize that my boyfriend has gotten over any insecurity or doubt about our relationship. That's just how he is.

Hopefully, if your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse still has "trust issues", you haven't been together long. In a healthy relationship, trust will grow as time passes, as long as you don't give your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse a "real" reason to be jealous.

If he or she, still has difficulty trusting you after a couple of years have passed, then perhaps a SERIOUS talk is in order. For your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse or for both of you as a couple.

Think about this carefully, choose your own path wisely, and good luck.


In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours...

iN sOcIeTy wE aLL CaN bE FaB!?!?! R!gHt

Do you ever wonder what other people are feeling maybe even thinking?

I find myself pondering that question sometimes and what I've came up with is so many people young and old live their lives on how other people view them.

The problem I see with that is GOD made us all different for a reason. If he wanted all of us to be skinny or have good hair I'm sure he would have made us that way.

In today's society young girls are affected the most by the fashion magazines that have skinny girls that probably weigh a size 0. Which makes our young girls think they have to look like that to be beautiful.

Our older women are pulled into this hollyweird look that they feel like after 30 their due for a face lift. I don't understand the sense in that people wake up your getting older because your living when you die believe me it won't matter how your face look because it will deteriorate anyway.

My thing is being a plus size woman I don't have a problem being plus size. I just want to be healthy if I'm plus size. I love my body for what it is. Yes sure there are time when I wish I was smaller because alot of the more fashionable clothes come in smaller sizes.

As of right now I am working on becoming healthier with diet and exercise but what I want people to know is don't get discourage when the weight doesn't come right off just keep trying stay motivated and have faith.

Think FAB all the time because even the skinny people that may look like super stars have problems on the inside!!!!!!!!

10 THiNgs ThaT pEoPLe Do ThaT ANNoY Me And wHy ThEy dO

1. Long lines at Walmart- What is the point of long lines at Walmart they have like 30 cash registers and only 4 open.

2. People that stare- Just the fact that their staring makes me wanna say W-T-H you looking at or take a picture it'll last longer.

3. When someone says they know you and really don't- That person just knows of you or have seen you around what gave the lame the idea that that qualifies as knowing you.

4. When people try to sell stuff to you while your pumping gas- I told you no when I got out the car and your still harassing me while I'm pumping gas.

5. People that lie for no reason- I believe that if you lie for no reason that means you cannot be trusted and I further believe if you lie for no reason you would steal for no reason.

6. When a dude be fronting like he got a lot of money- Dude that just shows me how low your self-esteem is if you gotta front like you got alot of money a simple job would have done the trick.

7. When a guy is riding around town stuntin and tryna holla at girls in his baby mama car- One word TRIFE.

8. When you plainly see a sign of stores hour on the store and they say they closed- If your sign says you close at 8:00pm close at 8:00pm.

9. When someone cooks something for a party and tries to make everybody eat it- Look if we wanted to taste you food we would've tried it already.

10. When your out with a group of people and it's time to pay and somebody doesn't have money or not enough money- They knew before they came out they didn't have no money or they knew they didn't have enough money to pay for what they ordered.

Erica A